Friday, January 22, 2010

Selfishly...It comes

I cried for a moment, had my own little pity party and booted up World of Warcraft the day that I decided that I needed a bit of a writing break, the day I excused myself from writing circles and decided to float. I can't rightly say that I'm going to be published again and I definitely can't MAKE it happen. I have a full time job and can get by, although extra dough would be nice. So while traipsing about in Northrend, or waiting patiently for another raid to begin, for yet another night, I return to square one.

I was always a gamer. World of Warcraft is slightly more addictive than Final Fantasy but I have always engaged in some type of game playing. I played social Advance Dungeons and Dragons for years and have had consoles for as long I can recall, but my love of writing and reading has never waned. I've taken time to write, be it a small amount or a massive amount of time, and even though my raiding schedule can get pretty hectic...and ridiculous (5 hours trying to best Sunwell sucks)I was pleasantly surprised to turn out a few pages today.

While I would love to blame WoW for my lack of writing, I can't. I can't say that I've lost an obsession that has been with me longer than I can recall. What I can say is that a break was needed. So many nights spent typing away in a vacuum of my imagination needed to be countered with a little social interaction, even if it is "Nice heals," "Good Run," or "Buff up."

The camaraderie I get doing a run or socializing with the guild offers me something that muse often doesn't. Interaction. My muse loves wild things like anti-heroes, assholes, near-villainous protagonists and banter. I try to steer it towards the happy, happy and it seeks the dark. It prods me with it's belly full of all the hardcore scifi and horror novels I've been reading. (Thanks Neal Asher, Matthew Reilly and Edward Lee). My muse points and I follow. There is little interaction involved.

The craft of writing is pretty much a lone job. You write and you present what you created. Rejection letters seldom come with detailed explanations, that is NOT the publishers job. Critique partners can often sugar-coat, pass off or completely ignore a story. Fans may enjoy your story but rarely leave feedback...but my guild tells me immediately when I fuck up and when I do a good job.

I'm selfish. I've been told that before but truly in this time when I have slowed down my writing time, I think that when I do eek out a page or two, that I feel better...less the tortured artist alone in her workroom struggling with the prose. As I stopped pushing and hoping and worrying about writing, it always did. It's selfish too that way.

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